temples of sacrifice.

my whole life i have dealt with things that would make many people go insane. i've become quite good at it. i also have been told over and over that i could bring kingdoms to their knees if i so wished. i never have had a relationship with someone who didn't just roll over once i told them i was through. so obviously my next move in this chain would be to be brought to my knees and become the one who, even if i was not to blame or if i didn't realize i was wrong, begs forgiveness. 


a clever remark was made, "my body is a temple. get on your knees and pray."
i AM a temple. or at least i WAS.
i am now just human, vulnerable and weak.
as my protection, you seem to have failed me.


my love for you however, has not. nor will it ever.


so i can not understand why when i, who once was treated as a goddess would be, am willing to sacrifice to improve what we could be, to be truly 100% happy, you, can not.


hope is failing,
joy is waiting,
and love is turning a blind eye.




why?






-Capt'n

ups and downs.

my life has really been taking the roller coaster thing seriously lately.

ups:

-things seem to be better with the two of us. we've talked things out and i think we are a little more clear with each other now. i've been smiling a lot more and my heart skipped a beat when we were dancing...

-i've almost finished my all hallow's eve costume. i've enjoyed working to find all the pieces and customizing them.

-my room's cleaner. i'm not really the one who initiated that, but it is kinda nice to see progress.

-i've gotten a lot of work done for my classes. in the past couple weeks i have managed to get a good amount of my assignments done, although i still feel i could get more done.

downs:

-i'm STILL sick. i've been under the weather for over a month. i seem to get hit with one thing after another lately. i just want my immune system to get in order.

-i still feel that the air isn't completely clear between us. although everything is better and my heart is light and happy, my mind can't help but weigh the rest of me down. my past has made me uneasy about fully trusting people and, although i wish it weren't true, i can't just turn that off now that i have you.

-i feel very alone right now. i'm in such a transitional point in my life and as i'm saying goodbye to so many of my acquaintances, i don't seem to be saying hello to many new ones. i wish it was just that i'm not as busy as i used to be, but i'm also not as outgoing as i used to be.

i wish i was more sure of what my life is and will be, but i'm not. as much as i hope it will clear, i'm pretty sure it will be a long time in the fog before i can see clearly again.

-Capt'n 

important words.

There are 26 letters in the English alphabet and God knows how many words that they can make, but there is one phrase that often gets looked over. In my opinion, it's the most important phrase for all mankind and it shows a true and deep caring for someone.

I'M SORRY.

That's right. Not 'I love you', or 'You are special to me', not even 'Your shoe is untied and those stairs are slippery'. No. 'I'm sorry' is the most powerful thing you can say to someone. It immediately can show them your true feelings and help both people heal. A lot of the time it is ignored, looked over in favor of, 'Let's forget about this' and 'It's all better now'. Yet there's nothing to compare between them. 'I'm sorry' is the ultimate sign of vulnerability and love.

And i'm tired of not hearing it.

-Capt'n

so, i finally did it.

i finally gave in and made myself a cute little blog in which i can feel important. i seem to make alot of things online because i "finally give in".

i warn you now, dear reader, i am not doing this for you. i don't care if you find me rude or offensive, i'm going to talk about whatever i damn well please and you can gripe and moan but i'm still going to say it.

so, take that society!

IT'S TIME TO RANT.


-Capt'n